New Dad’s in Tech Growth
Becoming a first-time father while juggling the demands of a fast-paced technology sales leadership (or IC) role may seem like an insurmountable challenge. It's a whirlwind of responsibilities, deadlines, and sleepless nights. However, it's also a unique opportunity to learn the art of balance, prioritization, and being present for your family. Responsibility is a privilege and there is no greater responsibility then figuring out how to be selfless enough to sacrifice your own priorities for those of the people around you that need you most. This transition was really hard for me. I don’t presume to tell anyone how to do anything as it relates to their family but because of how challenging this transition was for me, I wanted to share some thoughts on approaches I’ve reflected on after having two small children and continuing to fight for success in technology growth leadership. I’m proud of how I’ve been able to continue my career growth and not compromise on being a dad.
1. Prioritize Family Time:
This is easier said then done. In the world of technology sales, the demands can be relentless, and it's tempting to let work consume your life. Not to mention you probably have friends that are continuing to do whatever hobbies you had time for and enjoyed so much before having children. However, to be a successful father, you must prioritize family time. As someone who has now been at this for a little bit of time I can tell you that you absolutely will get those hobbies back (well, at least to some extent). Don’t let fear creep in that you’ll never have any elements of that life/freedom back again. Set boundaries at work and communicate your availability. Instead of thinking about things you may be missing out on, think about how you’ll never ever get this time in your life back again and that the hobbies you used to have will return for as long as you’d like at some point. Creating that right mental head space is very powerful.
2. Be Present, Not Just Physically:
My wife will 100% roll her eyes when she sees this because of how often we’ve had conversations and I do a poor job of being mentally present and not on my phone or thinking about work. However, being present for your children and family goes beyond physical presence and is critical. It's about active engagement. Put away the distractions – the emails, social media, text messages, etc – when you're spending time with your kids and spouse. Be fully present, and value the time. Our phones can be a sickness that create anxiety and a level of reliance that isn’t really there. Do your best to separate from that. Fortunately I have my son Jack who is always quick to remind me when we’re playing catch or doing a puzzle “Dada-phone in pocket……PLEASE!”
3. Support Your Spouse:
One of the biggest pieces of advice I give friends that are having children for the first time is to step back and really try to better understand what your spouse is going through. This is my own opinion but really you’d have to be crazy to challenge it…..as hard as becoming a new dad can be it doesn’t even come close to how challenging it can be for new moms. It’s so incredibly hard to focus on the hard for someone else when you’re experiencing your own hard but it’s critical to do so during this time. Do your best not to keep score because it can be such a trap. Just because your spouse had a day to themselves does not mean you are now entitled to one. At times you have to put the kids to bed for 5 straight nights or cook dinner for multiple days in a row. Moms have a ton of pressure on them to do it all and have the perfect relationship with children. Relieve them from that pressure as much as you can.
Pull together and take pride in doing things for your family that you didn’t expect you’d have to or that other people/society don’t deem to be your responsibility. There is such beauty and joy in creating that kind of support system. . A strong partnership will not only ease the challenges but also create a nurturing environment for your children to thrive. I believe our most challenging times have created the strongest bonds for my wife and I.
4. Effective Time Management:
In the fast-paced world of technology sales, time management is a critical skill. Efficiently allocate your time at work, delegate when necessary, and streamline processes to maximize productivity. This will allow you to leave work at a reasonable hour and be fully present at home. Remember, quality trumps quantity, and focused work during office hours can lead to more quality family time. For most of my career I felt like I was carrying this anchor on me where I had to compete for every single aspect of work. I had to respond to slacks and emails the fastest, I had to be in the office the longest, I had to be the first to respond, I couldn’t miss a meeting and had to offer maximum flexibility, etc etc. That anchor can get in the way of so many things including maximum productivity. Set your goals, utilize OKR’s if helpful, and do not waste our most precious asset of time.
5. Stop comparing yourself to others and silence that negative inner voice:
I think there is a really interesting balance for parents today that the internet and social media create with incredible positives but also crippling negatives. It’s fantastic to google at midnight the symptoms a child has to feel more assured they’re going to be ok or to find video’s on Youtube on swaddling best practices. However, seeing parents in similar situations posting pictures of their children behaving perfectly on the beach or all the accomplishments of their children that make you question if you and your children are “falling behind” can be really stressful. Not to mention seeing others on vacations, out to a relaxing dinner, or on the golf course and the feeling of FOMO that can create. Life is rarely that perfect and when you’re on your phone sometimes it’s all you see in others. As happy as anyone can be for others, sometimes you can’t help but question your own situation because of it.
It’s been really helpful for me to remain laser focused on being the best version of myself for my family and doing my best to stay focused on how I can personally impact that every day and not compare it to others. When I was in high school my father hung a Tom Brady poster on my wall and explained to me how Tom reflected on a major shift in his life where he went from comparing himself to others in his pursuit of success and began just focusing on getting better himself each and every day. Embracing that thought process has helped me.
This type of transition in life is different for everyone and is almost always challenging at least at times. Even the kindest people with the best intentions can be beat up by this stage of life due to missing out on effective communication, empathy, and time management/compromise. Writing this blog was important to me so fathers in situations similar to me didn’t feel isolated in these challenges and hopefully could take some of my experiences and use them to reduce some stress. When I had my first daughter I remember saying that even though I already knew it was the case, nothing reinforced the fact that nurses and moms were superheroes like becoming a dad. Stress is never as bad as it seems and it’s something that you can take control over. Embrace the responsibility of having things in your life that can cause stress. Of course, what’s really kept me afloat during this whole process has been having a wife who is such a great mom and support system for our family. That’s my cheat code!!